Resolutions .... Sometimes Yes, Sometimes Hmmmm

 

TO RESOLVE OR NOT TO RESOLVE

There are tons of influencers out there who are very focused on the benefits of New Year’s resolutions – and a growing batch who say that making a promise to yourself that you break by January 4th is one of the most stressful and unproductive things that a person can do. Somewhere in between is where you need to figure out what works for you, and forget about whether it’s “right” or “wrong” from the world’s perspective!

The one thing that a new year does give you is at least a sense that things “could be” different – more progress, more money, more time (oh wouldn’t that be wonderful!). However, when the clock tips over to 2024, we still have the same old stress, baggage and unresolved issues we had in 2023. Combine that with a history of not being heard and your kids not receiving the support or services that you were certain they needed, and the stress feels compounded. We can work on that together 🙂

BIG THINGS CAN COME IN SMALL PACKAGES
In an attempt to give you a gentle shove in the right direction, I’d like to offer 3, just 3, doable steps that could have some really great impacts. 

– Look, REALLY Look – I talk to parents every day that never miss their child’s IEP meeting, but when I ask them what’s it in, or how the goals are implemented, they have no idea. Take this time before the second half of the year starts and READ the IEP, page by page. There will be parts you agree with, and there will be parts that you don’t. You will find things that you don’t remember talking about at the meeting, and you might find things that you adamantly oppose. That document is the legal contract that you have with your school. It is important, and it gives you tons of power – IF you know how to use it.

– Start with 3 – From your review of the IEP, make a list of 3 things that you want to change or accomplish, along with possible solutions. If you’re not sure what 3 to pick, talk to a friend, fellow mom or dad of a child with a disability, advocate or spouse. These could be things like increasing inclusive education by 90 minutes per day, obtaining language therapy for another session per week, ensuring that the reading curriculum is actually showing progress on assessments and not just based upon someone’s opinion, etc. You want to stay focused on manageable requests so you don’t get overwhelmed in the process. 

– Talk to the Mirror – 90% of communication is through body language, but we hardly ever take the time to actually look at our body in preparation for one of the most important events that exist for kids with disabilities – the IEP meeting. Take that list you created, find a nice quiet space that has a mirror (bathrooms are great for this) and talk to the mirror like you plan to talk to the person running your IEP meeting. You might need to do this several times over several days. If your previous experience is that the people at your meeting talk too fast, or over you, tell them in advance that you have something to say and want to have the floor before they respond. – Oh, and don’t forget to put this stuff in the Parent Input section of the IEP.

Hopefully I gave you a taste of 3 very doable, yet uber important, ideas on how you can start off 2024 on a better foot than you left 2023!

If you need help, reach out. 

You might find some helpful info and video content on my website’s blog page. 

Wishing you a 2024 of good times, family joy, great progress and even greater sleep 🙂

Warmest,
Stacey

It's a Fidget Time of Year

 It’s December. The Poem, The Night Before Christmas, says that “visions of sugar plums danced in their heads,” but it’s not just sweets that keep kids up at night, or amped up during the day. This month is filled with excitement – parties, school shows, presents, visits from relatives, or trips out of town – and let’s not forget, TIME OUT OF SCHOOL (again)! All kids are feeling a bit off their normal routine, and most can benefit by having access to fidget items. 

For some kids, giving them access to fidget items can not only calm an overstimulated brain, but help save a child who’s on the verge of a meltdown. Integrating ways for them to squeeze, squash and stretch can come as a pleasant distraction and a source of calm. The tactile stimulation can help engage the senses while giving proprioceptive input where it’s needed most.

Assess Your Own Working Environment

If you’re a parent who’s sitting at a desk right now, look around you. Chances are good that you either see things that could be considered fidget items or you’re using something as a fidget item without even realizing it. It’s not uncommon to dig through an office desk and find spinners, paper clips that bend in all types of different directions, pens and pencils that are good for tapping and clicking and desk lamps that have more than one brightness setting. Most humans engage in some type of self-stimulatory behavior, but we tend to not give it a name unless we happen to have a medical diagnosis, as bizarre as that sounds.

What to Look for in a Good Sensory Item

Fidget items should be unassuming gadgets that kids can use in school or wherever they go. The best ones are the ones that give a sense of calm and regulation. It definitely takes trial and error before you can expect to find the perfect toolkit of sensory integration items.

While you are creating this toolkit, keep the following benefits in mind:
1. Gathers the sensory system. These tools should provide enough sensory stimulation to meet the child’s needs for touch, movement, and pressure.

2. Redirects pent up energy. These items help channel excess energy, thereby preventing restless behavior. Kids get to release their energy on the items without disrupting those around them.

3. Creates a sense of calm. When many of us experience stress or anxiety, we tend to resort to sensory activities like pacing, shaking a crossed leg, twirling hair… All of these things help us to gather our system in order to function. Kids are no different.

4. Promotes focus. Because their internal sensory needs are being met, it’s easier for children to concentrate and complete the tasks at hand. Giving them ways to get their excess energy out while settling their mind and body makes for a little body that is more ready to learn.

5. Improves mood. Oftentimes when we get into a bad mood it’s because we are overthinking or perseverating on something that is upsetting. Engaging with a fidget item not only helps redirect our sensory system, but also our thoughts. Especially if your child happens to really like the activity around this fidget item, their entire mood can flip.

Fidget Ideas

A few items that can be used in the back seat of the car, as well as a classroom, are listed below. Be sure that the items that you consider are age appropriate. There is nothing cool about a 16 year old carrying around an item that’s meant for a four year old, so keep that in mind. If your child has an occupational therapist, talk to them, and get their advice on what would be best.

Poppers. These items are all the rage right now. You see them everywhere. Walk down any toy aisle in Walmart, Target or even your local convenience store and you’re likely to find some type of plastic popper.

Wacky Tracks. This keeps little hands busy because it is movable, and easy to hold. It can be kept in a classroom desk, or in the sensory station.

Water beads stress ball. I have to admit, I really love these. I attend a lot of conferences and it’s a smart company who gives them away at their table because I end up carrying it around, squishing it all day long 😊 and kids do too! But, make sure it’s strong enough to not break, or that the child is old enough to understand not to break it open.

Noise-cancelling headphones.  They say, “silence is golden” and for a child who gets overwhelmed by too much noise, this can be a goldmine that every sensory kit should include. In addition, many special ed classrooms include a student who makes loud sounds from time to time, and every child should have a way to maintain their own peace.

Wearable wrist spinner for older kids. I think this is VERY cool! I don’t know the brand, but this type of item can be discreet, easy to use and very attractive to other kids (friend magnet).

Tangle manipulative. These use to be so great for my son. He loved just flipping them around and making all kinds of shapes.

Kickbands for Classroom (or kitchen) chairs. If you’ve got a kid who’s always “antsy”, these bands that get wrapped around the legs of classroom desks are great. I’ve seen some classrooms where teachers placed them on all classroom desks (and those have been general education classrooms).

Wiggle Cushion. I can’t express how many kids I’ve seen helped by wiggle cushions. They can be purchased in the color of the classroom chair so that it’s not noticeable by others. The kids get input and are actually reinforced at the same time.

Pencil pushers. These are cool because they go right onto the pencil or pen, so your child won’t need to go digging around for a fidget while they’re working on a classroom assignment. Plus, it’s pretty inconspicuous to use in a general education classroom.

While you’re out or online holiday shopping, grabbing a few of these might help make things a bit easier during this chaotic and overstimulating holiday season. AND they might be a huge benefit when it’s time to go back into the old routine post-holiday break!

PS – If your child has sensory needs, and they attend public school, your school should be ordering them – not you. Find the ones that you think might work best and call your school to request additions to their sensory toolbox. These can also be added to the Special Considerations section of their IEP.

Recognizing And Responding To Anxiety In Children With Special Needs

 Although most of us don’t need hard-core evidence on the topic, Dr Lawrence Fung from Stanford Medicine states, “Anxiety is a very common co-occurring condition in the neurodiverse community. About 20 to 30% of male adults on the spectrum have anxiety disorder. Females with autism spectrum condition have even higher rates of anxiety. The prevalence of anxiety is up to 40% in females on the spectrum. In some clinics the prevalence of anxiety in patients on the spectrum is even higher (up to 80 or 90%).”

While this study was specifically focused on autism, we know that people who learn and process the world in a different way than most, experience higher levels of anxiety. After all, why wouldn’t they? Everywhere we go we hear that anxiety is off the chain! Sometimes we forget that kids with disabilities deal with the same crazy world as the rest of us, but oftentimes without the knowledge of why things happen the way they do, which could make the world a whole lot scarier.

Signs of Anxiety

When we consider what would be noticeable in the average person who’s experiencing anxiety, we might see:

• Recurring fears and worries
• Irritability
• Trouble concentrating
• Strong desire for sameness (sometimes to an obsessive degree)
• Extreme self-consciousness or sensitivity to criticism
• Withdrawal from social activity
• Avoidance of difficult or new situations
• Chronic complaints about stomachaches or headaches
• Drop in grades or school refusal
• Repeatedly seeking reassurance
• Sleep problems

Sound familiar? I am guessing your answer is, “Yes.” If we know that the average person is experiencing these things, imagine what a child who cannot express themselves must be feeling. It is important, however, to separate behavior that’s part of typical child development from an anxiety issue, such as a 2-year-old having a tantrum when their parents go to work or when there’s an unexpected loud noise. Not feeling well also needs to be ruled out before assuming your child is dealing with an anxiety issue. A quick trip to your pediatrician is a good first step.

Take the ABC Path

When a behavior analyst starts to consider the development of a positive behavior intervention plan, the first thing they do is look for the antecedent/behavior/consequence, or ABC. If you can identify what is causing the anxiety by looking at the antecedent, or the thing that came before the expression of anxiety, this should help you create the interventions that will help your particular child. In the same manner that not all kids like the same foods, not all strategies are gonna work for everyone. Sometimes a trial-and-error process is required.

Some of the things that could very easily cause, or grow, anxiety in children with disabilities are their need for sameness, poor communication skills, inability to process information at the rate that the teacher is delivering the instruction, fine motor skills that are not yet adequate enough to get paper-pencil tasks done, deficits in understanding socially appropriate behaviors and how to engage with other children in a way that is expected. With all those barriers in place, how could they not have anxiety?

Where to begin…..

The good news is that there are strategies that can be implemented in both the home and the school to help reduce the feelings that lead to anxiety. Start by identifying activities that bring a sense of relaxation or calm. Chances are good that you yourself already use some of these when you get stressed out in traffic, or during IEP meetings 😮 Practice these coping strategies together when you and your child are calm, so you’ll be familiar with them when anxiety strikes. You do NOT want to push your child to breathe deeply when they are in a full-blown episode of anxiety. Here are some things you can try:

• Model the behavior you wish to see – if you’re stressed out, your child is HIGHLY likely to be the same.
• Grab some headphones to block out sounds or listen to music.
• Use less words at a quieter tone and more visuals than usual. How many of us turn the car radio off when we are in a dangerous driving situation? There’s a reason for that.
• Go for a walk (down the hallway or around the block)

• Count up or count down.
• Teach emotions. There’s a great program called Little Spot that I see working well with kids, and no, I don’t make any money by recommending it. Lol
• Squeeze a stress ball or therapy putty (OTs are great with regard to self-regulation strategies)
• Give hugs, cuddles or a weighted blanket or vest.
• Think about a favorite thing or place.
• Draw.

• Use social stories for anything that you think they might not be sure of. These are especially helpful when there are changes in routine (ideally before the change takes place).
• Identify and label a “safe space” or “quiet area” where they can catch a break but be sure to build in parameters (amount of time they spend there), or it could easily be used as an escape.

• Teach deep breathing. For some of us, closing our eyes during deep breathing makes this a 3-pointer. And if your kids can visualize a place they love to spend time, even better!
• EXERCISE. I’m a huge proponent of this one. I don’t know how I would function without my gym time. When my son was young, 10 jumping jacks would be all he would need to regroup his focus, reduce his stress, and get his juices flowing again.
• Role-play any or all of the above. Carve out time each day, or even once a week, to practice ways to reduce anxiety and deal with the stressors of everyday life.

Here’s a BONUS – We know that kids who spend more time on tech have higher levels of anxiety. Research tells us that it causes reduced attention spans, decreased patience, less social development, public judgement and compare and despair via social media, and insomnia, each of which can easily increase irritability and anxiety. If you’ve got a child who loves to watch the same videos over and over again, be mindful that they can become very obsessive (play-rewind-play-rewind), which in itself can cause increased anxiety. Monitor your child’s use of technology and ensure that there is an equal dose of outdoor play each day.

No one wants to suffer through bouts of anxiety, but in today’s world, it’s difficult to escape. However, with some sound strategies and loving support, we can all learn to deal with some of the hurdles that lie before us.